Rapping 101

Well I have to say that I’ve watched an unfortunately amount of much music in my day and I think I’ve discovered the secrets that rappers employ in their success. Don’t worry friends, you too can be a rapper and no, it doesn’t take any talent what so ever.

Phase one "basic rap" (Kanye West freestyle)
Today I heard Kanye West rhyme shoulder, sofa and some other word that didn’t rhyme. The secret here I think is just to talk really fast and pretend like your words rhyme.
Eg.
Check out my bling
I have a sexy woman
Don’t hate me
Man, I have a nice car.

Once you are able to achieve perfect fast talking and pretending that your words rhyme, you’re ready for step two.

Phase two "easy rap" (sean paul style)
All you need to do here is add and A to the end of every word in order make it rhyme.

Eg. I like my furniture-a
I got it at a store-a
It’s made of dead cats-a
Sometimes I dance-a

And just keep going with that adding and a where needed and eventually you two will master the art of basic rap

Phase three "intermediate rap" (ludicrous style)
The secret here is just to go with one rhyming word. Generally ludicrous goes with his own name and runs out after ludicrous, ridiculous and conspicuous. Then you see him pop out the rhyming dictionary and puzzle for a few minutes. If you’re a beginner I suggest starting with something like BAT to rhyme.
Eg.
I like to have a bat
To hit my cat
And then make it fat
Or make it skat

Now, please note that it DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. This is pretty much the point. If you can actually make out a story line you are clearly beyond phase 3.
But that’s another story for another time. Until then, good luck with your rapping and maybe I’ll see you on much music.