Marriage
I’m not married and I don’t plan on being so…for a while yet but I’ve thought a bit about of late and this article ( http://www.queensjournal.ca/vol133/issue31/features/section.php ) in the Queens journal brought it into a lot of my discussions today. Its interesting because Iits looking like i'm probably going to be married ‘young’ and I’m really quite amazed at the strong reactions people have against marriage.
I think there are a couple of reasons for this. First, I think that our society grows up a lot slower. Post secondary education is not seen as a time of growing up but instead as a continuance of youth. We don’t see ourselves as grown ups until we have a stable job and a few wrinkles. Secondly, I’m going to say that the raising divorce rate and the amount of my friends raised in broken homes has a lot to do with it. I failed marriages are seen as the model, then why would anyone want to get into one? Clearly from this point of view these decisions are to be made when one is ‘older and wiser’. Thirdly, I would say that the movement away from Christian morality (and other religious morality I think) has left no real reason to get married. I mean, if you can just move in with someone, have lots of sex, play house etc, why wouldn’t you? I mean seriously, I would. That is, if I weren’t a Christian. My faith has me waiting for marriage before I have sex and sure, that seems pretty crazy to a lot of people I know but its something I’m proud of. I’m not saying that sex is the reason to get married, I’m saying that its supposed to be one of the benefits.
Other benefits? Companionship, support, love, a shared bank account (boo yah), a sense of permanence, someone to start a life with, together, knowing that you’re both in it for the long haul…someone to grow old with. I know that marriage isn’t going to be easy, but I believe that once you make that commitment you have to make it work. I think in a generation raised on sesame street, where our attention spans are all of 30 seconds, the idea or ‘the rest of our lives’ seems really scary. Sure, you’re not going to be the same person you are today when you’re 50 and sure, your boyfriend may not be either. But in a marriage, when you both know that you have to work at it, when you both do, you might just grow together. You might just become closer, and of ‘one mind’. My parents are very much that way. I think they’ve probably had tough times like all other marriages when things weren’t’ perfect but they’ve worked at it. I have moments when I’m really afraid of getting married young. Its so…counter cultural and my friends will think I’m weird. But then I think about what I want out of life and I remember that having someone at the end of the day to come home to is one thing I really want. And if I’ve found him now, why wait? And what do I care if people think I’m weird…they think that already.
I think there are a couple of reasons for this. First, I think that our society grows up a lot slower. Post secondary education is not seen as a time of growing up but instead as a continuance of youth. We don’t see ourselves as grown ups until we have a stable job and a few wrinkles. Secondly, I’m going to say that the raising divorce rate and the amount of my friends raised in broken homes has a lot to do with it. I failed marriages are seen as the model, then why would anyone want to get into one? Clearly from this point of view these decisions are to be made when one is ‘older and wiser’. Thirdly, I would say that the movement away from Christian morality (and other religious morality I think) has left no real reason to get married. I mean, if you can just move in with someone, have lots of sex, play house etc, why wouldn’t you? I mean seriously, I would. That is, if I weren’t a Christian. My faith has me waiting for marriage before I have sex and sure, that seems pretty crazy to a lot of people I know but its something I’m proud of. I’m not saying that sex is the reason to get married, I’m saying that its supposed to be one of the benefits.
Other benefits? Companionship, support, love, a shared bank account (boo yah), a sense of permanence, someone to start a life with, together, knowing that you’re both in it for the long haul…someone to grow old with. I know that marriage isn’t going to be easy, but I believe that once you make that commitment you have to make it work. I think in a generation raised on sesame street, where our attention spans are all of 30 seconds, the idea or ‘the rest of our lives’ seems really scary. Sure, you’re not going to be the same person you are today when you’re 50 and sure, your boyfriend may not be either. But in a marriage, when you both know that you have to work at it, when you both do, you might just grow together. You might just become closer, and of ‘one mind’. My parents are very much that way. I think they’ve probably had tough times like all other marriages when things weren’t’ perfect but they’ve worked at it. I have moments when I’m really afraid of getting married young. Its so…counter cultural and my friends will think I’m weird. But then I think about what I want out of life and I remember that having someone at the end of the day to come home to is one thing I really want. And if I’ve found him now, why wait? And what do I care if people think I’m weird…they think that already.
posted by Robyn at
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
1 Comments:
I read the article too. I think that you're right, alot of people do think it's werid to gt married young when you can play house or play whatever they call it. But even now, I think looking for the long haul or with that at the forefront is what is really important.
Diane
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