The Jesus Macarena

Now for those of you who are fans of contemporary Christian music, please do not be offended. I was raised in a Baptist Church so I’ve sung my fair share of cheesy worship songs, and not so say that there aren’t cheesy hymns… but my concern today is the actions that go along with Christian songs. Okay lets break this down. When you sing a catchy contemporary chorus, chances are there are some actions…and unless you know sign language they’re pretty simplistic…here is all you need to know to do actions to a Christian song.

God= point to the sky
You (in reference to God)= point to the sky
Jesus= point to the sky
Heaven= point to the sky
Lord= point to the sky
Lift = open hands and slowly lift them to the sky.
Earth= point to the ground
Here= point to the ground
Me= point to yourself
I = point to yourself
Cross= make a cross with your arms
The world= open hands in front of you and slowly circle them out very epically
A mention of a direction (ie. north, south east west)= point in that direction
Anything else = Clap

So basically modern Christian worship has turned into a slightly more complex version of “head and shoulders knees and toes.” And you either feel silly for knowing the actions or sillier for not knowing them. I mean really, does God really care if I point to the sky when I say his name? and theologically is that sound? Is God in the sky? And sure, maybe it is beneficial to some to do a lot of waving of their arms when they worship but frankly, if you are over the age of 12 and you aren’t at a summer camp then you shouldn’t be turning singing to God into the “Macarena.” I’m sure John Wesley would roll in his grave if I started to bust out some actions to his hymns. Seriously folks, where has our reverence gone? How about a healthy respect for the Almighty God. He deserves more than just the “hokey pokey.”

How to care for a housemate during Midterms

Step #1 identify crisis.
If there are audible sobs coming from the room make a note of a ‘crisis’

Step #2 intervene
With tissues, warm drink, or mounds chocolate knock softly on the door and wait for an indication to enter to be sobbed.

Step #3 Enter
Upon receiving permission to enter. Open door and proceed in. If light is off, do not attempt to turn it on as it may cause blindness to your housemate. Also, try not to step on the papers on the floor. For while they may appear in disarray, they are actually hours of effort thrown down in frustration.

Step #4 approach
Walk up to your housemate and sit beside her on the bed. Present her with your gift(s). Place on hand on her shoulder and read the following speech.

Hello________,
How are you? I just dropped by to tell you that I think that you are wonderful and a great person. I know you are frustrated with school these days but I wanted to remind you that you are more than your marks. ________, you are a complete person without academics, you are more than a number, you are beautiful, capable and will be successful even if you fail this paper, not to say that you will, because you won’t, but even if you did, there is no guarantee that you will live in the gutter the rest of your life. In fact, even if you fail you may be successful. While one bad mark may mean that you don’t get into grad school that doesn’t mean you won’t be a great housewife or Tim Hortons server. _______, your life is more than school. Sure, you haven’t been out of the house in three weeks and I can’t remember the last time you washed your hair, but I’m sure that this paper is not worth being curled up in the fetal position sobbing. You can do it. Yes, yes you can. You are a smart, intelligent human being. I love and care for you.
Thank you.

Step #5 Listen
You may not be able to understand what they’re saying. Something about a paper or a midterm. Something full of sobs. Just nod and say, you can do it, I’m sure you can. If necessary repeat speech or portions of.

Step #6 Leave
After housemate’s sobs have decreased or she has passed out from not having slept in days, slowly back out of the rooms

Step #7 Get back to work
Then, return to your work, if necessary repeat speech to self, in head or out loud. Feel free to add arm motions. Perhaps do some stress eating as well.

The Library is NOT a picnic area.

Honestly, when I was Frosh, I wasn’t that obnoxious. I mean, sure I probably had someone look at me one time or another and think, “yup, she’s frosh” but I sure wasn’t as bad as some frosh I’ve seen. Yesterday I was in the library studying for my midterms. I was sitting at a table and 3 girls came in and sat down directly in front of me. The first girl pulls out a book with a 100 course level title on the front. The second one pulls out a book with the same title and the third one …pulls out her lunch. Then they proceeded to whisper… and I don’t mean whisper I mean the good ol’ WHISPER YELL. I’m sure you know what I mean. “HEY AMANDA” “WHAT?” “WHAT QUESTION DO YOU WANT TO START WITH”. Group work? Are you kidding me? they’ve come to the third floor of the library during midterms, sat across from someone clearly working hard and they’re going to do GROUP WORK. I nearly lost it. but then, the third girl whisper yelled to her friends “I WISH I”D BROUGHT SOMETHING TO DO” …. WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE WITH OUT ANYTHING TO DO!! THE LIBRARY IS NOT A PICNIC AREA. (i don't mind people eating and working in the library...but JUST eating is a little much for me )and so she opened her pop and crunched on her salad as the other two whisper yelled at each other…the whole time I’m baring my teeth and praying for serenity. I wanted to say “hi guys, I heard a really good place to do group work was NOT HERE” or “Ya know, when you’re in 3rd year, working your butt off and stressed out and you have 3 obnoxious frosh come and sit across the table from you when you’re trying to study for the 2 midterms that you have in the next two days, I imagine you wouldn’t be to happy…wouldn’t you? WOULDN’T YOU!?!?!” but I didn’t. I just stared at the text book and read the same sentence 84 times. Finally after 15 minutes they realized that they actually didn’t have any work to do. And so they loudly re stuffed their back packs and headed off in the direction of the computers with the last girl chomping on her carrot in tow.
So, I recognize that not all frosh are loud in the library or generally insensitive to others but if you know someone who is….please tell them before someone like me jumps across a table in the library and strangles them to death.
Thank you.

Where Did Deuy Decimal go?

So I’m researching a paper involving the Charlottetown Accord and I’ve got to say…its way more complicated than its supposed to be. By it, I don’t mean the topic. By it, I mean researching! Here’s what happens.
Step 1. First one must check the library online catalogues. This can be done in the comfort of your own home. You must navigate a series of searches trying to use the appropriate words to get what you want and you end up with a code. Something like JL 65 .1992 D64 1992 c.3 (seriously that’s a call number for a book on my desk).
Step 2. Go the library.
Step 3. examine the chart on the wall to see where the J section is. Its on floor 3.
Step 4. go to floor three…look for Js. …
Step 5. if you still can’t find the J’s in 10 mins. Take a break and try not to scream. Its possible you’re actually in the bound journal section (which is on floor 2 but you may have gotten confused and gone to the wrong floor)
Step 6. continue to search for Js
Step 7 once Js are located begin decoding process. If there was any reason for learning your alphabet or how to count, this is it. first follow the alphabet ja, jb, jc, jd….until you get to JK…then start on the next number, then the next number, then back to the letter, then the number again, then the date, then the letter and yes, the last number (I’m not kidding this is real).
Step 8. discover your book is not there
Step 9. try not to scream.

An alternative to this is when I forget the deal with the CA section. You see, I go through the whole routine up to the point where I’m on my hands and knees crawling through the library counting out loud or reciting the alphabet.. then I come to it, it looks like a book, in fact its supposed to look like a book, it isn’t though…it’s a cardboard book with a spine that says CA (Canadian documents) are located in the basement). ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?! Its like some sort of sick treasure hunt. So I have to go all the way down and go through the government documents. WHICH IS HELL b/c they’re all so thin that the spines don’t show and I’m guaranteed to be standing on my tip toes on a step stool or again crawling on the floor.

What happened to good old deuy decimal? (and is deuy (as in heuy, deuy and lewis) named after him) I remember spending hours in elementary school learning how to find books and then suddenly, university and the stupid American congress system. I don’t understand for the life of why/how its organized the way it is. Its barely linear and extremely confusing.
In deuy decimal, if you’re in a section that has say, the Meech lake accord in it, you’re likely to find the Charlottetown accord there too. But no, in American congress, its all the Canadian constitutional stuff EXCEPT the Charlottetown accord. On one end of this section is the American constitution section and the other end is something like Caribbean foreign policy. I still can’t find the Charlottetown accord section.

Another exciting alternative is Microfilm or Micorfiche and yes there is a difference. I gave up when I couldn’t open the filing cabinet drawer tonight. Clearly, the library gods area against me. in an hour of searching, I got 2 books.
Oh and for the record can I just say that people should title their books with relevant titles…like if your book is about the Charlottetown accord, perhaps put that in the title…or alternatively, if its NOT about the Charlottetown accord DO NOT put it in the title. While I’m sure that the children’s book in the educational library with that in its title is a riveting read, I find it extremely annoying to come across a book that is not about what I think its about b/c the title deceiving.

So…needless to say I’m not having much luck in the library these days. I’m actually having more success in the online journal department. I’m horrid at looking though journals but at least it isn’t as humiliating as crawling by someone three times reciting the alphabet to myself.

me and my very first parking ticket 

Sad news

Well, I blame the neighbours. You see last night when I drove my dad’s car back to kingston there was a car parked in our shared driveway so I couldn’t get in to park. And so, I just parked on the street thinking that it was no big deal and I’d move it in the AM. So I got up early and went and did my volunteer shift at the hospital and when I came back, there it was... a parking ticket! I was not pleased. Its only $20 but its my VERY first traffic infraction. Maybe if I hadn’t been in such a hurry to help those poor people who are all alone in the hospital I wouldn’t have gotten it. It is because of my giving heart I that got it…oh who am I kidding, I probably would have slept in if I hadn’t been at the hospital. Oh well, there goes $20…. At least its going to a good cause right? Better roads? Better policing? More traffic cops to hand out parking and J-walking tickets? I HOPE SO!!

Its Hockey season!

This just in...
i don't care.